The Narcissist as Sex God.

Reader Alert: Not for young eyes or those of tender constitution. Proceed with caution.


First, I hope you giggled a little at that title, because if there’s anything a toad ISN’T, it’s a great lover. Don’t get me wrong, some of them have acceptable technique. But even that is part of their disorder — if you look closely at any very good technique they have or anything you like, whether it’s their kiss, their pace, or a certain touch, they probably learned it from you. They’re either mimicking you, or are repeating — over and over — what they think you like. They have no personal style that’s partner-oriented. Creepy deviance is likely; pleasant creativity is unheard of. Sex on the fly is likely; true intimacy is starkly lacking. He’ll accuse you of being frigid or not liking sex, when the truth of the matter is you just don’t want his sweaty manatee fatness grunting on you. He’ll pleasure himself on your body while you’re trying to sleep, and act like he’s just anointed you with the nectar of the Greek Gods. And you should thank him for annoying you, using you, and getting you all gross before sleeping.

Face it. Narcissists suck in bed.

People like sex. This is because sex is really, really awesome. Toads with personality disorders, however, are not really, really awesome, and they tend to have one of two approaches to sex.

(1) “I have an erection! Let’s have a parade!”

Yeah. He has an erection. This is supposed to be as fascinating for you as it is for him. You’re supposed to experience his erection as he does when he has it, and get all hot, aroused and freaky right at that moment, and magically know how to thrill him sexually. Forget about YOU being satisfied sexually, or when YOU are aroused and want to spend time with him; you’re supposed to be fulfilled by helping him to achieve orgasm, and every sexual encounter together should be a greatest hit. If you don’t have a great time, it’s because there’s something wrong with you, not because he’s a selfish lover. The beginning of the sexual experience is defined by his erection, and the end by his orgasm. Then he’ll pat you on the butt and roll over and go to sleep. This, my friends, is not love-making. It’s masturbation using another person as a sex toy.

(2) “I am Tarzan! Lord of the jungle! No, wait, I am Pre-Transgender-Woman, hear me ROAR! No, wait, I’m a MAN, but, gay and PROUD! Wait, what’s a transvestite — and is “bi” still available?”

I have never seen anything so pathetic and hopeless as the sexually confused narcissist. And I assure you most vigorously, they’re as common as fleas on a hound dog. In fact I don’t think I’ve ever encountered a narcissist who was both secure and comfortable in his sexuality. They want EVERYONE to love them and want them, so, actually, nothing and no one is off the table (so to speak) when it comes to potential sex partners. And their identity in ALL departments is so flimsy and malleable, including their sexual identity, that they don’t really have a firmly established gender identity or sexual alignment. They want attention and adoration from anything that moves, and if sex is a way to get it, so be it. They’re the ultimate slut — they’ll truly hump anything.

For both of those two types, though, be sure that when a narcissist has sex, he thinks he’s a Greek God at it. It’s healthy for people to feel sexy and confident and comfortable during sex, but that’s not what’s going on with him. No, he’s PERFORMING. To HIMSELF. He’s the guy who mirrors over the bed were made for, so he can watch himself — not the two of you having a loving, intimate time, but himself, being a golden Greek God. And like with anything else, the truth of the matter is he sucks at it. So to speak. Sex isn’t a bonding behavior for him, with shared passion and afterglow and tender endearments, it’s a release and a GREAT way to be passive-aggressive. To withhold, to let you down, to begrudge and to abuse.

He’ll pretend he loves and get your response, your love, and get you to give yourself over to him, and then devalue and discard just like he does with everything else. Narcissists make their lovers feel needy, because their lovers do all the giving and get so very little in return — and the resulting emotional deficit is VERY uncomfortable.

Doesn’t matter if he’s good-looking, has beautiful eyes, a large dong, or good lines. Sex is just a more painful version of the same emptiness and lack of bonding ability as he offers with every other part of the relationship. That’s not what sex is all about, Friends, and there’s nothing Greek God-like about a toad.

Croak.

46 Comments

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46 responses to “The Narcissist as Sex God.

  1. rae

    Dear Aunt Alex,

    I’m slightly creeped out thinking perhaps you have been videotaping at my house! Wow!! And I’ve been thinking its just me and what a horribly cold selfish lover I am and so terribly unappreciative of his wiggling his penis at me.

    This blog is a godsend to me.

  2. It is astonishing how they’re all the same, isn’t it. And the bedroom song and dance is no different. Unfortunately…..

  3. sara

    excellent, well done, and eerily true. my ex-narcissist would try so ‘hard’ to not go limp, i think because he wasn’t f**king himself. well, now he can go f**k himself because i got away with our son, sole custody, all the power, and i now have a real man. that crazy toad can croak…uggh.

  4. Dear Aunt Alex,

    I am wondering if we can connect privately as I suspect you must have been intimately involved with the narc I was with. Either that or I was drugged by him and you were in the room watching because it is chilling how accurate and dead on your article is. I love your work it is brilliant and drives the message home with just the right twist of humor! Thank you!
    Hugs,
    Betty…

  5. Berengere

    My ex-narcissist is Greek… ouch!

  6. Mell

    Please don’t ever stop posting! I love seeing your emails in my Inbox because I know everything you say will be dead on! It makes me laugh, cry, and damn thankful that I divorced the toad!

    The part about the mirrors in this post-Good Lord, so literally true and looking back, I now KNOW he was only watching HIS OWN performance! It makes me sick!

    Thank you for this blog-it has gotten me through the worst “so-called marriage” I could have ever had in my worst nightmare!

  7. sad victim

    you have absolutely described my own experience…and i was a naive girl who married this narc.. i never had a boyfriend before marriage, and none extramarital. BUT some gut instinct had made me start cringing…barely 1 day after the marriage . and over the years… i began to be terrified of sex. finally, after 20+ years, i withdrew from his bedroom. Chiefly because I discovered he was sleeping with a OW and apart from the OW he had a string of paid sex servers. it has been so traumatic for me…especially now that i have just nowhere to go..no money, no friends or family…all alone in one corner of the world.. with no hope, no past,present or future.

  8. sad victim

    i remember when he would force me into oral…YIKES…i felt I was in Auschwitz. Seriously…and i did not know that a woman had a right to refuse sex. well..very long and sad story.. just thinking…so many many many innocent girls will continue to get sacrificed to these monsters just like i was ..

  9. Sad V, you might have more supports than you realize. You feel stuck right now because you’re still in the house with a toad who’s stomped all over your life. First, everything you own as a couple in your marriage is at LEAST half yours, and in many states more if you can prove his infidelity. Support groups, churches, states, universities, hospitals and community outreach programs ALL have resources, vocational counseling, and assistance for people in transition. Pack up the car with everything (you earned it), and drive somewhere that feels welcoming, get a therapist to help you stay focused, and that’s an outstanding beginning. You won’t believe how free you feel.

  10. Rae

    Sad Victim… Don’t believe you are alone. That’s part of his manipulation. You are NOT alone. You are NOT without nothing!! Married 12 years to my N and I’m just starting to break away. But, the more I talk with my counselor, read this blog, and the conversations with my Attorney, I am getting that not only am I not alone, I am NOT penniless, I am NOT going to be living in a box on the street with my 9 year old son, I am GOING TO SURVIVE! You can too!!! YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!!!

  11. RR

    Every article here is exactly dead on, hits the nail square on the head, EXCEPT this one. My N is also a sex addict. It puts a whole other layer of ugly on all the demonic evil rottenness. We actually had a great sex life.Although he was at times selfish. He cheated constantly.Non stop.Hook ups with women from dating sites, classifieds, trolling bars, online sex, sex with complete strangers, even sex with a 75 yr old woman.And porn constantly.Besides affairs with women. Anyone and everyone was/is fair game for him to nail.And keeps a videos/pictures library of them all. (which he never did know I found out about) As if the emotional and verbal abuse and twisted irrational rationalizing weren’t bad enough.To know he was in bed with Lord only knows how many others, telling me he’s got to go help his brother or whatever lame excuse to leave for an hour, then return and shower and get all romantic cutesy with me and we’d have sex…..it’s disgusting and sickening looking back on it all now that I’ve found out soooo many of his lies. And all the times he hammered on me and accused me and bitched and berated me.As though I were the one with the horrid behavior. Yes it is a horrible nightmare that haunts me. Charming guy is indeed ever so charming.And the monster lies in wait, close at hand to destroy even the tiniest drop of joy. It stings.The thought of it. There was a time I had such hope for him , for us. A time he expressed he wanted “to be normal”. That was short lived.How can a person with zero self control and zero conscience ever be ‘normal’? And he’s afraid of anyone finding out his secrets. I would assume that is true for all of his kind? Very afraid of anyone finding out his weirdo freakish psycho ways. I have no idea how he ‘performed’ with all his sex hook ups. Someone/thing for him to attempt to temporarily chase away his feeling of being an empty black hole? I tried researching why men cheat. He was adored and cherrished at home, and got plenty of sex, and caring, and conversation/communication (if that’s what you want to call it, as it was all about him, his interests,his ideas,his thoughts. if it was ever about anyone else it was him putting down and complaining or malicious gossip about others). No I think the cheating was all about him feeding his ego. A non N maybe cheats for some other reasons, but for him it’s all about feeding the ego and trying to fill the black empty space where ‘normal’ people have a soul.
    These articles help me, as I am still ‘in recovery’. It’s been one heck of an experience. If ever I start to miss pretend guy, I just remind myself how good it feels to not have that knot in my stomach, wondering who he’ll be, how awful or nasty will he be,or will he be charming? and if so, when will the other shoe drop? And the negative vibe, good things have actually started to happen for me since the negative vibe isn’t hanging in the air anymore. I may never ever recoup all the losses , nor rebuild all of what once was, but the peace……the peace is priceless.

  12. Barb

    Thank you Alex! This is what I have been looking for. Why do so many articles on narcissism leave this part out of the description? It is the most baffling and hurtful part of the ‘experience’ with these guys. The final blow is when they ‘blame’ their problem on you!

  13. Melanie

    Alex,

    I am so glad you wrote this article because the gender confusion issue was always something that puzzled me about my N “friend.” He came across as very masculine in some ways, but effeminate in others. He always welcomed flirting from anyone, too. Now I see it was what he was going for- sending signals out to both sexes to attract attention. He was trying to be appealing to everyone. What an exhausting lifestyle! It is no wonder that N’s have little time for anyone else…

  14. Sean Eno

    Dear Alex,
    Very true.. indeed. I have met her, too. The “masturbation using another person as a sex toy” does unfortunately not know any gender barriers.

  15. Agreed, Sean. He or she, old or young, all narcissists have that very special something we might call malignant selfishness.

    Including in the sack.

  16. rae

    Mine likes sexting other women. Getting their pictures in all various poses. Much younger women always. Most with problems like addiction of their own. I guess I should be please that he needs all that outside stimulation to find me attractive and make him want to sleep with me. He tried to talk me into having one of them be our own little personal sex toy to add some excitement to our already awesome sex life (his words) since he wanted me of course but wanted her too. And that person could change when he became bored with her. Just discard and move on. When I wouldn’t agree he thought I should at least talk to her and let her know that I was fine with her continuing to sext him and send him her pics since that’s just who he is and since I clearly can’t make it without him… and after all none of that is degrading or belittling or hurtful to me because he loves me and that need is just who he is. He was so thoughtful he even gave me permission to do the same thing with someone else that he approve of. Wasn’t that super sweet?? He almost had me talked into telling that girl to go ahead and keep it up, on the eve of my 11th wedding anniversary with tears streaming down my face because if I refused I knew it was over. The manipulation is mind boggling to me. I can’t believe I nearly did what he wanted. The only thing that stopped me was knowing that every single time he was “affectionate” to me or did something nice I would know that meant he hqd just had some encounter with someone and I knew I couldn’t handle it. I cannot wait for this divorce to get moving so I can start my life over and can finally be free of this suffocating feeling I live with right now.

  17. Case

    Oh the gut-wrenching sexual issues! This has effected my self esteem to the point I’m afraid I’ll never recover. After dating for one year, I moved in with my N despite all the red flags. Living in the lion’s den enabled me to be exposed to more ridiculous behavior. He would pick a fight, break up with me, and I’d find his profile on a dating or sex website that same day. After tormenting me, we’d get back together and he would be so much more sexually charged. As our relationship progressed, so did his “other” activities. He would assure me all the girls he was emailing and texting were “insignificant” and that he only loved me but he knew he had issues. He loved me bc I accepted him for him and no one else ever did. I “patched” it all up for years, until he actually met some girl at a hotel and had sex with her. I found texts to/from men. He denied it. I was strong enough to kick him out and live without him for 6 months, but he weaseled his way back in. Same Sh#t, different day but then he with-held sex from me until “we could get along better.” Told me I needed to lose weight, needed to be sexier. I left him last year FOR GOOD, but I don’t see myself ever being with someone else again..- still consider myself so undesirable. I am working through it, but he messed me up something fierce! Thank you all for sharing your stories and thank you Alex for this site!

  18. Berengere

    Here is a suggestion for your next one – The Narcissist as a complete twat….

    Still standing 😉

  19. becky

    Aunt Alex appears to be lurking in a lot of bedrooms. All true for my narc. In addition, if he accidentally did something i liked and i said so, or made a noise to indicate my pleasure, he would never do said action again. I was in denial about that level of selfishness and malice, took me years to accept it. All during that time i forgot the things which gave me pleasure, he never did. He never did any of them twice. Married eighteen wasted years, except for two beautiful girls-i;m just grateful they still speak to me.

  20. Sheila

    Oh wow Alex this is spot on! I believed him when he told me his ‘variable’ performance was all my fault. That the reason he had to watch porn movies (involving young girls) during lovemaking was because I couldn’t turn him on!.Thankfully he is now out of my life, although as you predicted, two months of NC on my insistence was broken by him e-mailing me trying to worm his way back into my life. NO WAY will I take that path again.
    Thanks so much for this blog, a real life-saver.

  21. e

    Here’s a sad fact: if my soul destroying, esteem crushing, angry, punishing asshole of a human being ever called me again, I’d be in real danger of running straight back into his arms and giving my life to him, even though I am dating the sweeting most sincere man ever.

  22. Aunty Alex,

    You’re blog is a ray of sunshine in my day! Your humor is priceless and sorely needed after the experience with the disordered one. What an accurate article! Mine was VERY MUCH into mirrors. It wasn’t until I was in therapy and my therapist TOLD ME that the mirrors were there for him to WATCH HIMSELF, did I realize what that was all about. Boy did I feel STOOOOPID! I suspected as much, but at the end of the relationshit, it got WORSE! He videotaped us. When i watched it play back, I almost started laughing. When he had an orgasm, there was NO facial expression, but when faced to face with an orgasm, he looked PAINED. He also kept looking at the camera to “position” himself correctly. UGH!!! All during our relationshit, he was COMPLETELY INTO HIMSELF. I did ALL the work. He performed oral on me 3 times in ten years and hated doing it. I did all the foreplay. ALL of it ALL of the time. The last time we had sex, he asked me if this or that was what women liked. WTF? Oh NOW you’re interested in knowing what women like? Bastard. This was, of course, just before he landed another victim. I wonder how long it will be for new wife (met her off dating site, married her in five months), figures out how SELFISH he is. He sets up women with this MO (same line to each target, I had proof), “I would have done those sexual things with my wife (now ex), but I never got the chance” roflol! Never got the CHANCE in 17 years of marriage? Of course, this is “brilliant” if you’re naive and unaware, as he sets it up for you to “teach” him. UGH!!! He was very fragmented. He used sex as a weapon and as manipulation. He also withheld in both marriages. He did things out of “novelty” and only ONCE. The rest was predictable and mechanical, but the video thing was so revealing and absolutely shocking to me. I hope to God he taped over it with the new wife. I’m so glad to be out of that relationshit now!

  23. RR

    I just have to comment to Kelli in regard to the mirrors. MINE TOO! I had a full length floor mirror that he’d sometimes position it to give him the proper view. And then any mirror anywhere, in the mall, dept.stores, he’d have to always look at himself any time he passed a mirror or a store front window where he’d see his reflection. And yes he’d ask what women like, what is it that I find most attractive about him,etc etc. And as Rae stated hers wanting another female, mine wanted another MAN to join us.Constantly would ask about that.And always asking about my previous relationships, wanting to know details of sex with them. And Case commented the pick a fight/break up.Yes! And then back together in a day or two.And oh yes he’d make ugly remarks and mean put-downs. I’m not the type to make such intentionally hurtful comments, but one time I threw one back at him; I made an intentionally mean nasty comment about something I KNEW would cut him to the quick. He actually physically recoiled from the pain of it. I said How do you like it?!’ Please don’t let that piss ass excuse for a man stop you from finding and enjoying a wonderful man who treats you like the angel you are! As I posted before, we actually had a good sex life. And he was very passionate.And he loved to cuddle and snuggle after. But yes there was some ‘weirdness’, a weird feeling sometimes, I attributed to the sex addiction. And the more and more I discovered, and all the other women. And yes absolutely anyone/everyone is fair game.He truely believes every woman wants him. And he still calls asking can we have sex (he lives with a new woman now). I stay strong and always tell him no. Honestly near the end, knowing he’d cheated so much, lied so much, and the years of such vile things said/done to me, the great sex life pretty much lost the sizzle for me. I’d always figured he owns his insanity and hateful evil ways, not me, and that we had a couple great things together, that I truely cherrished, so I stayed and I tollerated so much. It was just so not worth it. “Stalking the Soul” a great read. And this site! Very good for healing. Good to connect with others who’ve been thru the same. Helps me stay strong to not go back.

  24. Rae

    Mine woulda been fine with another man too especially since no one in the entire world can match his ability to please a woman… ::rolling eyes:: I’ve often said my husband should just carry a mirror around with him so he knows someone is checking him out all the time!

  25. Sheila Jones

    I met mine in Second Life (virtual world) where he could be an avatar like a film star and make love as in the Kama Sutra. The truth about real life though? He struggles to do it. Sexual dysfunction. Virtual worlds like Second Life are now full of predators of this variety. They nearly always want to meet you in real life. Thank God I got out before he could do me any real harm. As it is I’ve got mild symptoms of PTSD and have nightmares about the swine. I know I’ll be okay in time. ALL the literature, I repeat ALL the literature says if you’re with someone like this, get out asap!

  26. Felicity

    “Face it. Narcissists suck in bed.”

    I can face it, but can HE? Nope. 🙂

    Thank you for this blog post. From the bottom of my healed heart.

  27. Valarie

    He talked a lot about the “another couple” thing, got us close to it one time, was so happy the next day he bought me flowers, then denied later that he had anything to do with it that it had all been my idea. Very mechanical and usually brief with no imagination. Need pharmaceutical help to get ready most of the time because he wouldn’t be able to get or maintain erection. Only wanted one position. Only wanted “it” when he felt like “it”. Actually blamed his inability to perform on me – said he had to get used to the way my body looked after children. Would never do “it” in unusual or fun places. What a waste of my time and energy.

  28. Maureen B

    Well what can I say? Coming a cross this page has bought tears, laughter, a boost, stomach renching realitiy. I have read a lot over the last 6 weeks, since establishing NC with the empty vessel. However, I must say this page has hit the spot in the frankness and realness. Thank you all for a great read before go to slumber. Thanks for giving me peace before I sleep all of you.

  29. Maureen B

    RR, I relate to exactly what you say and how you say it. If they were’nt Ns I would say they were the same person!!! hold on they are all the very same empty vessel, LOL

  30. Eve

    Unbelievably accurate!

  31. Fleurdecactus

    Dear Aunt Alex,
    It took me a couple of years to understand that the sexual component of the relationship with my precious toad had been the most traumatic aspect of it. He would simply never wait for me to be aroused, and sometimes hurt me, although I very much wanted to be with him. Having had no previous sexual experience, I thought that something was very, very wrong with me (and he hinted that – he is the devastatingly smart kind). He withdrew kissing after our first week-end together, leaving me to wonder what horrible thing I had done or had been to make that go away. He would never let me touch him (not openly of course, but come to think of it, the slightest attempt at initiating anything on my part was more or less subtly rejected). I was supposed to respond to his interest in a matter of seconds; foreplay consisted of him rubbing himself on me (naturally on the least responsive body-part he could find). I often ended up facing a mattress or a wall, whether I liked it or not.
    Who would I have told that? I was, after all very much in love, and very much craving for his attention (I never lived with him, this was a long, long distance relationship). Worse yet, he is the very picture of reason, rationality and honesty to everyone else. I am absolutely certain that no one would believe that he could behave that way. I have learned since that I am very much not frigid and that intimacy will not necessarily fizzle after a man’s first few orgasms, but the scars are very, very slow to heal. On a bad day (and I’ve had many of those) I imagine every man as a shallow, cold lover. I sometimes slip back into this world view in which it is an unspoken rule that women, no matter what advances they may have made in other fields are not to experience their sexuality as such, but only as part of a man’s sexuality. Then I sober up and think that this is probably wrong.

    And then I read your post and knew that I was not alone. That there is such a thing as a fully-fledged toad, even wrapped in the most prestigious degrees and positions.
    I can’t begin to thank you for the sense of validation your no-nonsense approach has given me. I hope your life is as fulfilling as you deserve it to be.
    Take care,
    Fleurdecactus

  32. melanie-75

    EEEWWWWW! I am so glad I’m out! These people are very VERY attractive disguises of Satan!

  33. artisse

    This blog is an absolute Godsend to me too. All the behaviours are so accurate, it is unbelievable!!!! I keep trying to find reasons why this mess is all my fault when in my heart I know I am dealing with a soulless monster. The sex thing was one of the most baffling features of our so called relationship. I have been married to my N for nearly two years and I just have to escape before I lose my life completely. I too have lost all self esteem and sense of identity and seem to live in a state of confusion and fear. I know he has cheated and continues to flaunt OW in my face( and there have been many!) But he tells me he can”t help it if he has “charisma”Ugghh he makes me sick.He is the most selfish and self centred person I have ever met. His performance is all about him and always has been. I have endured four years of this crappy behaviour and now I have to get out. HELP!!!

  34. Was it Buddha who said “The 1000 mile journey begins with the first step.”? You just took it, congradulations! Just remember DON”T LOOK BACK! But you will. You’ll look back, and then go forward, and then look back, and look back, and go back, and get out, and move forward and look back, go back, and kick yourself. But keep focus and keep moving forward, one step at a time. It took me a long time. From what I read, it takes everyone a long time. I decided to stop beating myself up, accept he is who he is, and knew I deserved better for myself, for my life. I’m no longer angry. It’s wonderful to let go of the anger, hurt, sadness, anxiety,stress, etc. And to feel sane, and on solid ground, and have self identity, to be me again! Wonderful feeling! And I am so so so much better now. I’m in a healthy relationship. I set boundaries, I maintain my identity, I have zero anxiety, I don’t have to walk on egg shells and question myself and all the stupid ass yada bs. I will admit I have a bit of ptsd.But I recognize it and deal with it very well. You too will get there.Always believe in you and your sanity. A friend of mine said “You’re sane, trying to deal with insane.It can’t be done.” How true! I accept there are insane ones in the world.And they can stay over there, while I stay over here, with the sane ones. This blog is a Godsend. I plan to buy the book with my next paycheck. Don’t give up! Keep moving forward, and acknowledge every step taken, pat yourself on the back cuz Lord knows he never did! Freedom is right round the corner sister!

  35. Lee

    Holy cow did you nail this subject!!!
    The lack of foreplay or cuddling after, a sense of disdain, a hurry up 2.5 minutes of his needs- you could set an egg-timer by my X.
    The jumping up immediately after and running off to do something- more important- than be intimate- the utter lack of emotional or spiritual intimacy…
    The first thing that happened once I finally got free of him was that my sex life got MUCH better!

  36. NarcSupply

    Oh my (Greek) god, thank you for this article. I wondered what was wrong with me and now I know it was just having sex with him

  37. Molly

    Surprisingly, this article does not describe my exN at all!! :S He really was amazing in bed and was a very generous lover. To be honest- it’s what I miss most about being with him (as bad as that must sound). I now find myself wondering if my ex was actually an N if others describe Ns as sexually selfish and useless in bed.

    And disturbingly enough, I introduced my ex to mirror sex- he’d apparently never done it before. But once I got him into it, he loved it.

    I will note though: that I was rather concerned about my ex’s sexuality. He quite often bragged about being a gay magnet. Most guys I know would NOT boast about that, let alone admit it!

    He was also quite addicted to the sex we had (which was every day unless I was on my monthlies.. TMI? Sorry!) and when I withdrew it when I found out I was pregnant (for fear of miscarriage) he got extremely irritated at me and I believe it’s a significant part of the reason he up and left.

    I believe my ex to be more of a narcissistic sociopath anyway and I’m pretty sure sociopaths are mentioned to be generally be very sexual. So that could be why the above just doesn’t fit.

  38. awake

    oh boy – I am even hesitant to comment under this article – he was the most twisted, deviated, perverted being I have ever encountered!!! He thought it would be very erotic to screw a woman 9 months pregnant – I am sure the poor woman wouldnt agree – he never was married and he never had children – the toad would have been great in the delivery room eh – that’s right they lay eggs dont they – he was into Golden Showers (high form of degrading) begged me to have group sex – which I never did and this severely frustrated him – called me a prude because of my firm NO stance on this – called me insecure, unstable and jealous – had to pop in a porn tape during sex, had to listen to some porn actress moan and groan during our sex – and he wasnt bisexual, homosexual he was ANYTHING sexual – didnt matter if they were 18 or 80 – teenager, man, woman, fat, thin, pretty, unattractive, ……. anything that gave him attention and worshiped his reptilian god complex was fair game.

    He gave a few grand performances in the beginning and the pretending of the bonding and connection and how special I was and how much he loved and cared for me – but he was a pimp only testing out his latest target that he was hoping would bring him other opportunities – He would triangulate me with his live in GF claiming SHE swings and SHE is open and SHE is not a jealous insecure person – which was all BULLSHIT – if you have all these experiences with her then WHY pressure me so much for it – his croak answer was: well she and I are so busy with work that we dont have time – ha ha ha ha – I know this toads MO – he is CLASSIC SEXUAL PREDATOR TOAD!!!! Glad he is sitting on her door knob and not mine, glad I never ever lived with the parasite – he was nothing but a rapist that wore a well crafted persona to hide a sick agenda –

  39. vivigive

    Mine read the series which takes place in San Francisco in the 70s with straight gay bi everything sex Tales of the City and within a few days said he was a 60s hippy and wanted free love with lots of women maybe men and me to stay an his official one the others would just be for sex. Frightening…and kind of funny! Good riddance…I have had better lovers though both also Narcs…Making love instead of sex would be nice!

  40. Laloz

    Hahaha you just described my ex

  41. Creepy Toad's Ex

    Thanks for this article and thread!! It’s AWESOME!!

    My toad was hypersexual for the first couple of years. The sex was all about HIM, of couse (yawn). I wasn’t as sexually experienced as he was and he took great pride in incessantly ‘instructing’ me about sex. The sex was plentiful but so very mechanical, empty and seriously lacking any emotional aspect. I remained faithful and hopeful he would miraculously ‘change’. Eight years into a rocky, live-in relationship with my toad, he then boldly expressed interest in seeing me with other men and sordid homo erotic fantasies, including participating in a “full out orgy”. He insisted that I needed to experience other men’s penises (?!). At first I thought he was kidding, because it was so bizarre. Then I found out he’d been cheating for years and was currently sexually involved with his coworker. Of course he denied EVERYTHING, lied his toad face off and even tried gaslighting me about various things. I backed a truck up to the house while he was in the hospital and took ALL of my stuff. I thought that would cure me, but, sadly, I was hooked on sex with my toad. I went back for more. Since I had emotionally separated from him, sex with my toad was the best it had ever been. But, of course, it still lacked normal couple bonding and emotional warmth. I am attempting “no contact” with my croaker. I realize I deserve so, sooooo very much more. Wish me luck!

  42. Holy crap is this post accurate. Until recently, I’d always thought the problem was me. I spent so many years buying sexy outfits, going on diets (to slim my already slim body), reading up on techniques, etc. etc. to no avail. Not only was he terrible in bed, but he had a serious female and shemale prostitute habit too. He was the most selfish fuck I’ve ever met.

  43. Vivigive

    I said something to my now ex N the last time we ever slept together which I now realize must have flipped him out. I told him women fake orgasms all the time and he asked, “But if she’s really wet she can’t fake that.” I replied, “Yes,she can any woman can fake anything.” i think I destroyed his illusion regarding his ability to control thru pleasure…I felt like he was asking advice to use on his next victim yuck and haha! I love when our honesty inadvertently ends up messing with their head:)

  44. awake

    ha, what an idiot – guess he doesnt know just because a woman is wet does NOT mean she has had an orgasm- now HE on the other hand gives evidence he has had an orgasm every single time – no getting around that one. Like the saying goes – women can fake orgasms like these men can fake their love and who they are. – but no harm done in faking an orgasm as apposed to what THEY do – hey they destroyed the illusion they fed us the least we can do is destroy their sexual illusion that they are GOD in the bedroom – FAR FROM IT – they have no clue what REALLY is the key to satisfying a woman, oh they can fake it for awhile but it starts LONG BEFORE the bedroom –

  45. O.M.G. vivigive! That is EXACTLY what I said to my last ex psychopath when I slept with him the last time too! LOL! He said to me, “What do women like?” WTF? After TEN years with me and you have to ASK that?? F*CK YOU!! That’s not what I said, but I was thinking it. So he said this in the MIDDLE of sex. It was meant to hurt me, as these guys are tremendously sadistic! The question was almost an “honest” one because I had spent the last ten years, satisfying HIM. What an asshole! So I said, “Why do you ask that?” He said, “Well, I just want to know if women fake it”.
    “Well,…yea….I’ve only had three orgasms since I’ve been with you. I’ve faked it, it’s not hard to do when she’s not getting all she wants, but think she has to please him all the time” I said sweetly. hehehehehe…..he wanted me to use my vibrator SO bad with him, but I just could not bring myself to do it. I’m not a prude, but I knew this asshole was objectifying me and I wasn’t going to give him the PLEASURE of having anymore deviant sex after what he’d already had from me. i’m SO GLAD I didn’t do it! There is so much emphasis on sex in the relationship as the ultimate bandaid. They do it to control women because they know how most of us bond. But for them, it’s just another vagina…

  46. awake

    exactly, the masturbated with our vagina’s – that is all it was – they cant actually feel that there is a human being attached to our body parts; and thats another thing my body parts were referred to in such a vulgar manner, tits, P—y, etc……. I dont expect him to talk like the skunk pe pe le pu – but come on – use words that make me feel like a worthwhile real human being as apposed to some blow up sex doll or prostitute – it was all the time – never any loving references or words regarding my body – what a TURN OFF – if I wanted to date a porn director I would have looked for one and been in porn movies – NOT MY STYLE and NOT my idea of being loved, respected and cherished –

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